Tag Archives: random thoughts

Divorce Killed the Matrimony Star

18 Nov

An Associated Press article came out today in most news outlets about a study by the Pew Research Center, in association with Time magazine that reported 4 out of 10 people say marriage is becoming obsolete. Reading this article made me think about my own believes and views about the institution of marriage and what it means to me.

It’s very unfortunate that the image and desire I had to one day create my own family by taking the vows of marriage in front of my family and friends have changed. I believe too highly in the holy sacrament of marriage. To think that someone else I’m involved with could not regard this commitment in the same level that I do, whether I like it or not, is unfathomable. In this day and age it’s very rare to find a person who thinks like me, so why risk it? Why disrespect it? May as well never even try it just to avoid disappointment.

How about if I would just meet whoever I’m going to meet in this lifetime and have a comradeship, mutual respect, and companionship? And WHEN (not “if” because it WILL happen) we had enough of each other the separation won’t be this major rupture (this is my catholic self chiming in) of the oath we swore to God in front of witnesses. Whether it last a few weeks, months, or a few years there’s always the chance to start over fresh and new and not with the stigma of failure at the attempt of a happily ever after.

Advertisements

Honest Actions or Ulterior Motives?

16 Nov

How do I honestly come up with things to do without an ulterior motive to eventually benefit me in the end? I would like to be able to stop concocting these extravagant scores to achieve what I thing would be good for me and just live and let life and destiny take me wherever it would be. I always do this; try to take matters into my own hands. May it be impatience, determination, habit, whatever. I cannot succumb from doing this.

I can’t begin to understand why my need to control all kinds of situations in my life. I wish the process of understanding my dilemma would be already settled in my head so this entry could have a problem, explanation, and resolution with maybe a moral in the end, but so much for wishing, right?

Why do I resort to past habits that I know for a fact don’t work and only give me grief and false hope? I don’t know…because that’s what I’ve done for years, it’s my comfort zone, it’s my default setting.
How can I deprogram what I’ve been subconsciously resorting to for years and years? By doing the opposite, you may suggest, but restraining myself from living and having a life, enclosing myself within the four walls of my apartment and cutting myself out from any kind of human interaction, punishing myself…is that really the answer? Is it? Is it?

The maze that is my head is getting stronger and more intricate as time goes by. I have no roadmaps, no signs, no GPS to help me, even though I was the architect, the creator, the mastermind behind this complex labyrinth.

Skydiving into My Future

9 Nov

I always say that I like to keep things fresh and exciting, that I welcome spontaneity and change with open arms. But then change does happen and I’m left nervous, anxious, and afraid.
Such is this transitional time in my life where I’m taking on a new path of evolution and I’m terrified. Exited, but terrified. The pilot has finally opened the door, I’m standing there ready to jump, I have to stop, take a big breath, close my eyes and leap into the exciting unknown it is this new chapter in my life. See you down there!

Stumped

5 Nov

I’ve been thinking all day on what to write for my usual Fun Friday post and honestly, I’m stumped. I’ve been so busy with work that I haven’t been as attentive to write a post a day like I had in the past, resorting to make it up the next day by writing 2 a day. I guess I could start doing multiple entries, but I don’t know if one substatial entry is better than multiple “light” ones. I don’t know, I guess I’ll try it out and see how it works better for me. At the end of the day, it’s my blog, I can cry if I want to! hehe.

The Right to Cheat

18 Oct

I had a conversation with a good guy friend of mine regarding fidelity. He expressed that for him, as long as his partner is fulfilling his needs, there’s no reason to wonder off, but that he, in fact, had been unfaithful because his wife had been “acting up for a while.” His words, not mine.
So I asked him what that meant. He replied that as a wife, her duties were to always be available physically for him, to maintain their house clean, food on the table, and to take care of their children. He couldn’t understand why she would make up excuses for when he wanted to be intimate with her. He said it had been going on for too long and since she wasn’t giving it to him at home he went out looking for it elsewhere.

In his defense, he added that he performed his duties as a husband. He gave me a laundry list of the things he would do for her like flying her out for a weekend getaway. He works so she doesn’t have to, he is a good father to their children, and he buys her whatever she needs and wants, so why wasn’t she pulling her weight? He asked me. Why would she refuse to please me when all I do is please her?

All I kept thinking about was his wife. I thought about her reasons and excuses to not perform what was expected of her. So what about these marital duties? If you’re doing your part as a husband or wife and your still chose to cheat, what about then? The indiscretion has to be forgiven or overlooked because you are doing what you’re supposed to be doing at home? Now I ask myself, am I the type of person that allows to be cheated on?

I feel is extremely important to have the answer to that question before you enter a relationship. You have to know yourself, and understand your point of view from the beginning, so when it does happen, because it will, you are ready to do what you are supposed to do. I believe all of us as human beings living on this earth will experience at some point of our lives some kind of infidelity, so why not be prepared for it when it happens.

You have two options, you can be the accepting type; the one that will overlook and/or forgive an indiscretion and work together with your partner through any fidelity issue and stay together. Or option two; you can be the one who won’t stand for any wrongdoing and leave.

My friend got me thinking about a very interesting point. Most of the females I have discussed this issue with tell me that women cheat because there’s something lacking in the relationship, which is what my male friend was telling me now. I always assumed that men cheat because they feel they can, women cheat because they are trying to fill a void from their relationship.

Maybe it’s not a black and white answer, maybe there are some gray areas, and maybe men and women are not as different. Some men could cheat because they’re missing something, and some women cheat because they too feel they can.

No matter the reason, circumstance, situation or person involved, understanding what actions to take before the indiscretion has occurred will give you a sense of security because you’re prepared. Emotions can sometimes cloud the mind and not allow you to think straight.

My Love Formula

14 Oct

For a relationship to be a success I like to put it in math terms. My formula is 100/50. 100% happy 50% of the time. If I’m not getting 100/50 then it’s time to bail out. So I’m faced with the most pivotal of questions; what is my definition of happy?
I’d like to be with someone who makes me feel special; smart, beautiful, interesting, funny, passionate, caring, but like I’m the only one in the world with these qualities. Someone who makes me give myself selflessly, without hesitation, without feeling like is a chore. I would give my all and not even realize it. Working issues out would be a fun challenge. Even getting mad or upset would not be a big deal because we can always work it out, talk it out, weight it out, and discuss it without hurting each other. Compromises would seem always like a win-win situation. Am I describing a perfect relationship? Maybe…Is it something impossible to obtain? I don’t believe so. I think this is what would work for me if I’m with someone who I love, who loves me too, and we’re not selfish about it. I think this is all it would take. That, and lots of butterfly kisses and bear hugs!

One Day at a Time: Day 30

13 Oct

I didn’t want to let this milestone pass by unnoticed. It has been 30 days since I last spoke to him telling him that I was done. Unofficially it has actually been 39 days since I made the decision that I needed to turn my life around.
I made a comment to someone the other day where I mentioned him. As the thought converted into words flowing out of my mouth into the air, I coudn’t help but feel as if I was speaking about someone who had passed away. Like I had been in mourning for all these time and suddenly I was breaking my silence by saying his name outloud. Mentioning his name felt as if I was disrespecting the honor of my actions. A guilt wave ran through my body. I shouldn’t speak about him in a loving, funny-anecdote kind a way, I thought to myself. It didn’t feel right.
Simply put, too many wonderful things have also taken place during this time. Without his help, his solidarity, empathy, assistance, encouragement, without Him. It has been tough, extremely, but I’ve also seen that I can continue living a bountiful, beautiful life. Here is to eleven more months which now don’t seem as scary as they once seemed.

Do you believe?

12 Oct

I believe! The faith I have in me is slowly growing and it makes me happy to know that. There was a time when I thought that I could do anything, that I was invincible. That all I had to do was want something and I would get it. Ah! the naïveness of my believe was quite admirable and pitiful at the same time. However, this can-do attitude took me very far compared to other stereotypical counterparts.
Fast-forward a few years of emotional bullying and life’s reality check. I had completely changed this view. My attitude had morphed into a “why-me?” Life had thrown me a series of tests that in my eyes I had failed miserably. This was my distorted assessment of the truth until I had my own Aha! moment.
Now, I see things differently. Looking back at all the trials that I had to experience in the last years they were not failures, but were reaffirmations of my resilience to overcome, persevere, and rise above. My “why me?” attitude was truly a “survivor” mind-set. Once I had this realization I saw my life completely different and hence started to get my old mentality back. The faith I have in me is nowhere near what it used to be but slowly getting there. My old attitude was mostly driven on naïve notions of the world. I was the center of the universe and people and things revolved around me just because.
I know better now. I can do whatever I set my mind to do, I can achieve anything I put all my heart and soul into, I have faith in God and the people that truly care and have the best interest in me. How did my mind frame change? I recognized that I needed help so I actively made an effort to seek it. Here are some things you can do:

Therapy. This is very crucial because it’s professional help. You can get a lot detangled that you didn’t even know was a problem in your life in the first place. I’m not going to say it can’t be done alone, but it is probably very difficult. Why make it harder than it has to be. It already is a challenge; don’t try to reinvent the wheel.
Support groups. Whether is family, friends or online chats, even all at the same time. People around you that are cheering for you, that are providing a helping hand in difficult times, lending an ear for you to let it all out or just showing that they care. This is a great thing to have when you’re feeling inadequate. Once I got some of my friends and family that I felt comfortable sharing my issues with involved, they offered their very kind and generous support, their time and advice.
Mentor. A mentor can be so important because they can give you that courage you’re lacking to follow your dreams. They have been there, they know the ropes and they are willing to give you tips, advice and to give you that little push you need to get it going.
Get involved. Advocate, volunteer, and believe in something bigger than you, like a cause, a movement, a charity, anything that stops making you think in terms of you and more in terms of others and their needs. I got involved in a charity that advocates towards battered women because it’s a cause dear to my heart.
Educate yourself. Read books, magazines, anything that will expand your knowledge on things you care about and are interested in. I’m currently reading self-help books because of their inspiration and positive outlook.

How ’bout a hug?

8 Oct

I’ve always been very particular about personal space. It’s just something I guard very carefully and only allow people to trespass this zone when I am extremely comfortable with them. This obsessive compulsive attitude I have over having people around me too close for comfort is what has made me notice something interesting about how others regard personal space. Here I’m going to concentrate on a specific type of body contact. The hug.
Have you ever notice how people hug? I have. The way people hug can tell you whether they’re comfortable with you or not also, whether they want to or not engage in this clear violation of personal space with you. Ok, so they are hugging you so you may think that they want to. Not necessarily, this could be because of many reasons, for instance they may have to either for courtesy sake, or because they feel obliged due to the circumstance meriting this exchange.

How do you know if you’re getting a fake hug? Pick up on how the hug is being administered. Here is how:

You get the pat hug. Yes, the pat in the back as they are hugging you.
Ok, so what is the “pat” you ask? Well, simply put is the courteous way a person can say to you “I’m done allowing you inside my personal space, get off me….now!” Once the patting has stopped that’s you cue to back away from the hug. It’s that simple.

There’s the half hug. The person hugging you is using one arm to accomplish the task. This allows them the control of when to finish it without being restrained by the other party.

The column hug. This is the one where the person giving the hug applies the “emergency break” and so the hug ends up looking like you’re both hugging a column placed in the middle of you.

And finally there is the infamous limp hug. This one is probably the most seen out there. This is the hug that gets administered with the least amount of effort from the person giving the hug as if to feel that you’re hugging a corpse. This would be THE hug I would dread getting the worst. This hug says, “I do NOT want to touch you and I don’t want you to touch me, but since I have to I’ll endure it pretending I’m unconscious.”

Now that you know what kind of hugs are out there don’t get caught in an awkward situation, recognize which hug you are being given and reciprocate. Let’s make the exchange bearable.

What makes me happy? Immediate satisfaction!

17 Sep

Today is Friday and I thought I would keep it light and fresh since I spent the whole week talking about my heartaches. In no particular order, here is a brief, but detailed account of a few things that make me abundantly happy and turn my smile into a cheesing fest. Hopefully you have your own list that you would like to share with me in the comments. Enjoy!

There’s nothing like a silky smooth piece of chocolate to satisfy the most adamant of cravings. The way it melts in your mouth as it knocks out every single taste bud with its decadent cocoa flavor. I’ve always said the purer the better. Don’t get me wrong, milk chocolate is okay, but being able to savor the fruit in its intensity is heaven. A sprinkle of sugar and a drop of milk go a long way. A good chocolatier knows this, and will create the perfect formula for that coveted confection.

A long, sensuous, delicate, kiss is without a doubt an indispensable life pleasure that provides me with surreal happiness and immediate satisfaction indeed. It should be a daily activity although it could be difficult to come across it for someone that’s single like me. Nonetheless, a kiss of that caliber can catapult all five senses into acute awareness. The way my nose captures the subtlety of his scent, and my fingers, barely touching him, caress his skin giving me goosebumps. The taste…oh, the taste of warm, wet, meaty lips sometimes is just indescribable. My eyes (I’m not going to lie, they prefer to be closed) look inside me. They undress my mind, my soul. I come in contact with my true self. It’s an amazing self-awareness experience of enjoyment and true bliss. To culminate this sensory overload, my ears capture each moan, each sound creating a domino cycle-effect that triggers all other senses once again, and again, and again. So there…that’s what a “simple” kiss feels like to me.

Words. I think words are beautiful. They spark so much joy in me. Think about it…a combination of vowels and/or consonants can hold so much truth, love, passion, energy, enchantment, meaning, etc. One word can ignite a million thoughts. It electrifies my brain. A word can make me feel alive just by looking at it, reading it, saying it out loud. That’s just one word; imagine how a book can make me feel…
So there you have it. TGIF! smile 😀