Tag Archives: life

Divorce Killed the Matrimony Star

18 Nov

An Associated Press article came out today in most news outlets about a study by the Pew Research Center, in association with Time magazine that reported 4 out of 10 people say marriage is becoming obsolete. Reading this article made me think about my own believes and views about the institution of marriage and what it means to me.

It’s very unfortunate that the image and desire I had to one day create my own family by taking the vows of marriage in front of my family and friends have changed. I believe too highly in the holy sacrament of marriage. To think that someone else I’m involved with could not regard this commitment in the same level that I do, whether I like it or not, is unfathomable. In this day and age it’s very rare to find a person who thinks like me, so why risk it? Why disrespect it? May as well never even try it just to avoid disappointment.

How about if I would just meet whoever I’m going to meet in this lifetime and have a comradeship, mutual respect, and companionship? And WHEN (not “if” because it WILL happen) we had enough of each other the separation won’t be this major rupture (this is my catholic self chiming in) of the oath we swore to God in front of witnesses. Whether it last a few weeks, months, or a few years there’s always the chance to start over fresh and new and not with the stigma of failure at the attempt of a happily ever after.

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Honest Actions or Ulterior Motives?

16 Nov

How do I honestly come up with things to do without an ulterior motive to eventually benefit me in the end? I would like to be able to stop concocting these extravagant scores to achieve what I thing would be good for me and just live and let life and destiny take me wherever it would be. I always do this; try to take matters into my own hands. May it be impatience, determination, habit, whatever. I cannot succumb from doing this.

I can’t begin to understand why my need to control all kinds of situations in my life. I wish the process of understanding my dilemma would be already settled in my head so this entry could have a problem, explanation, and resolution with maybe a moral in the end, but so much for wishing, right?

Why do I resort to past habits that I know for a fact don’t work and only give me grief and false hope? I don’t know…because that’s what I’ve done for years, it’s my comfort zone, it’s my default setting.
How can I deprogram what I’ve been subconsciously resorting to for years and years? By doing the opposite, you may suggest, but restraining myself from living and having a life, enclosing myself within the four walls of my apartment and cutting myself out from any kind of human interaction, punishing myself…is that really the answer? Is it? Is it?

The maze that is my head is getting stronger and more intricate as time goes by. I have no roadmaps, no signs, no GPS to help me, even though I was the architect, the creator, the mastermind behind this complex labyrinth.

Skydiving into My Future

9 Nov

I always say that I like to keep things fresh and exciting, that I welcome spontaneity and change with open arms. But then change does happen and I’m left nervous, anxious, and afraid.
Such is this transitional time in my life where I’m taking on a new path of evolution and I’m terrified. Exited, but terrified. The pilot has finally opened the door, I’m standing there ready to jump, I have to stop, take a big breath, close my eyes and leap into the exciting unknown it is this new chapter in my life. See you down there!

One Day at a Time: Day 54

6 Nov

“Sueñate conmigo” was something I used to say almost every night right before we would hang up the phone. Call it not-so-subliminal message for him to do exactly that; dream about me. I would plant that last seed in his conscious and ultimately (by repetition) in his subconscious mind so all his shut-eye would be centered around or about me. It would work sometimes (I didn’t say this science was perfect).
The point of me bringing up a glimpse of my twisted, little science project is that last night I dreamed of him. I dreamed that he came over to talk to me, to vent, to say exactly what was on his mind about me shunning him out of my life. In my dream he was crying, desperately seeking and answer as to why I would ruin his perfect friendship circle of trust between him and his 3 best friends. I was the weakest link and I had finally broken the perfect round shape into an imperfect line. My frustration grew as he was talking about everything but the reality of our situation, my reality. As my impatience escalated without me being able to get a word in and explain to him one more time that friendship was a consolation prize for me not the winning ticket, I woke up. Disappointed, I wasn’t able to get him to admit that the real reason why he was bent out of shape was because he missed me, because he loved me.
Sadly this was a dream, and only a dream. It let me to wonder about how he has been dealing with all of this. Does he think about our friendship, relationship, about me as a person? Does he miss me even a fraction of what I miss him? Simply put I, not him, is the one with all the puzzling questions and my dream was just a manifestation of my utter bewilderment. Sad, truly, when I think about what he’s done to me.

Travel Tips

3 Nov


I really enjoy travelling, experiencing different environments, customs, people, and seeing things for the first time around all corners of our wonderful planet. One thing I don’t like so much? The actual “travelling”. You know… the airports, airplanes, packing, and security check-ins, basically all of those things we have to do in order for us to be able to get to our destination. Having collected my fare share of frequent flyer miles, I have a few tricks I want to share with you and maybe this will make your next trip experience more enjoyable.
Dress comfortably. I like to wear jeans, or leggings, and slip on flats, or sandals. This is a good idea, not only so you can sit on those uncomfortable airplane seats for long flights but also to be able to pass through security without any issues. Depending on the weather in my destination, of course, think of shoes you can remove and put back on easily without having to waste too much time.
Get cozy. Airplanes get cold 30,000 feet off the ground so I try to be prepared by bringing my own “blanket.” I carry with me a scarf made up of a soft, warm material to keep warm on the plane. Also, I bring ankle sox just in case my feet get cold. I choose ankle sox because they can be rolled up into a small ball and I can place them in my purse without taking up too much space.

Easy access. At the airport you will be showing your identification, passport, ticket, etc. at many checkpoints throughout. I don’t want to be digging in my purse every time, risking that something important may fall off in the process. You don’t want to be juggling around your ID’s, purse, carry-on, suitcase, and cell in your hands, it’s just too much. I use a passport cover to store my passport, ID, and ticket. It’s all neatly organized and it’s only one thing to store away or take out of my bag. Simple.

Be colorful. Watching the conveyer belt go around carrying a sea of black bags inspired me to be bold and different. I want my bag to stand out so even if I’m across the way of the baggage claim area I can still spot my luggage coming down. Anything but black is good, really. If you can’t afford to change your current black luggage try a colorful tag, it’ll do the trick as well.

Ready for anything. I always carry with me inside my purse gum, and travel versions of these items; hand lotion, hand sanitizer, Dramamine, tissue paper and eye drops. I’ve learned from past experiences that airport stores, although convenient, are very expensive. I choose to have these things with me and not have to worry if anything ever happens. Make sure you do too, wouldn’t want you to miss your flight because you’re standing in line at a gift shop or newsstand.

10 Rules to Live and Love By

15 Oct

I read these rules on Oprah.com and I cliffsnote-it all up for you to enjoy as well. I know Fun Fridays are supposed to be fun, but I thought that this inspirational piece can also be a fun thing to try. Well, at least for me because these rules resonate with the truth and spirit I want to live by.

1. Love. See life through a lens of love rather than fear.

2. Forgive. Be willing to forgive yourself and your partner, and to make amends when necessary. This is not an excuse for staying in a dysfunctional situation, but an opportunity to see innocence. Once we do that we gain freedom to move on from being stuck in the same place.

3. Relax. Relaxing when times get tough allows you to roll with the punches. Say to yourself “this too shall pass”.

4. Be self-aware. Recognize your impulse to create distance rather than intimacy and get back on track. Observe who you are and what you do within the context of a relationship.

5. Pray. When you don’t know how to handle a problem, pray and meditate. Surrender decisions to the Spirit.

6. Respect. Honor your partner’s path and allow them the space to find their own way. If you try to help where help is not requested, you are signaling your lack of believe in your partner. Give yourself a rest in overseeing you partner’s personal business. We are all in this path of realization and expansion together, each of us is unique in our lesson to be learned.

7. Learn. The moment we think we have it all figured out is the moment things will come crashing down around us. Keep up your personal growth, immerse yourself in learning, you will always have new skills and interests to apply to a relationship, and thus the relationship will always feel fresh and relevant.

8. Be Passionate. Follow the path of your own creativity. Engage in your passions and you will radiate passionate energy, and thus maintain the interest of your own partner and so having your own sense of fulfillment.

9. Stay present. Life does not exist in future predictions or past grievances; all we have for sure is right here and right now.

10. Be grateful. Gratitude is like a seed you plant; it grows more as it is watered and nourished. The acknowledgement of good will can forth more of the same.

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My Love Formula

14 Oct

For a relationship to be a success I like to put it in math terms. My formula is 100/50. 100% happy 50% of the time. If I’m not getting 100/50 then it’s time to bail out. So I’m faced with the most pivotal of questions; what is my definition of happy?
I’d like to be with someone who makes me feel special; smart, beautiful, interesting, funny, passionate, caring, but like I’m the only one in the world with these qualities. Someone who makes me give myself selflessly, without hesitation, without feeling like is a chore. I would give my all and not even realize it. Working issues out would be a fun challenge. Even getting mad or upset would not be a big deal because we can always work it out, talk it out, weight it out, and discuss it without hurting each other. Compromises would seem always like a win-win situation. Am I describing a perfect relationship? Maybe…Is it something impossible to obtain? I don’t believe so. I think this is what would work for me if I’m with someone who I love, who loves me too, and we’re not selfish about it. I think this is all it would take. That, and lots of butterfly kisses and bear hugs!

Do you believe?

12 Oct

I believe! The faith I have in me is slowly growing and it makes me happy to know that. There was a time when I thought that I could do anything, that I was invincible. That all I had to do was want something and I would get it. Ah! the naïveness of my believe was quite admirable and pitiful at the same time. However, this can-do attitude took me very far compared to other stereotypical counterparts.
Fast-forward a few years of emotional bullying and life’s reality check. I had completely changed this view. My attitude had morphed into a “why-me?” Life had thrown me a series of tests that in my eyes I had failed miserably. This was my distorted assessment of the truth until I had my own Aha! moment.
Now, I see things differently. Looking back at all the trials that I had to experience in the last years they were not failures, but were reaffirmations of my resilience to overcome, persevere, and rise above. My “why me?” attitude was truly a “survivor” mind-set. Once I had this realization I saw my life completely different and hence started to get my old mentality back. The faith I have in me is nowhere near what it used to be but slowly getting there. My old attitude was mostly driven on naïve notions of the world. I was the center of the universe and people and things revolved around me just because.
I know better now. I can do whatever I set my mind to do, I can achieve anything I put all my heart and soul into, I have faith in God and the people that truly care and have the best interest in me. How did my mind frame change? I recognized that I needed help so I actively made an effort to seek it. Here are some things you can do:

Therapy. This is very crucial because it’s professional help. You can get a lot detangled that you didn’t even know was a problem in your life in the first place. I’m not going to say it can’t be done alone, but it is probably very difficult. Why make it harder than it has to be. It already is a challenge; don’t try to reinvent the wheel.
Support groups. Whether is family, friends or online chats, even all at the same time. People around you that are cheering for you, that are providing a helping hand in difficult times, lending an ear for you to let it all out or just showing that they care. This is a great thing to have when you’re feeling inadequate. Once I got some of my friends and family that I felt comfortable sharing my issues with involved, they offered their very kind and generous support, their time and advice.
Mentor. A mentor can be so important because they can give you that courage you’re lacking to follow your dreams. They have been there, they know the ropes and they are willing to give you tips, advice and to give you that little push you need to get it going.
Get involved. Advocate, volunteer, and believe in something bigger than you, like a cause, a movement, a charity, anything that stops making you think in terms of you and more in terms of others and their needs. I got involved in a charity that advocates towards battered women because it’s a cause dear to my heart.
Educate yourself. Read books, magazines, anything that will expand your knowledge on things you care about and are interested in. I’m currently reading self-help books because of their inspiration and positive outlook.

How ’bout a hug?

8 Oct

I’ve always been very particular about personal space. It’s just something I guard very carefully and only allow people to trespass this zone when I am extremely comfortable with them. This obsessive compulsive attitude I have over having people around me too close for comfort is what has made me notice something interesting about how others regard personal space. Here I’m going to concentrate on a specific type of body contact. The hug.
Have you ever notice how people hug? I have. The way people hug can tell you whether they’re comfortable with you or not also, whether they want to or not engage in this clear violation of personal space with you. Ok, so they are hugging you so you may think that they want to. Not necessarily, this could be because of many reasons, for instance they may have to either for courtesy sake, or because they feel obliged due to the circumstance meriting this exchange.

How do you know if you’re getting a fake hug? Pick up on how the hug is being administered. Here is how:

You get the pat hug. Yes, the pat in the back as they are hugging you.
Ok, so what is the “pat” you ask? Well, simply put is the courteous way a person can say to you “I’m done allowing you inside my personal space, get off me….now!” Once the patting has stopped that’s you cue to back away from the hug. It’s that simple.

There’s the half hug. The person hugging you is using one arm to accomplish the task. This allows them the control of when to finish it without being restrained by the other party.

The column hug. This is the one where the person giving the hug applies the “emergency break” and so the hug ends up looking like you’re both hugging a column placed in the middle of you.

And finally there is the infamous limp hug. This one is probably the most seen out there. This is the hug that gets administered with the least amount of effort from the person giving the hug as if to feel that you’re hugging a corpse. This would be THE hug I would dread getting the worst. This hug says, “I do NOT want to touch you and I don’t want you to touch me, but since I have to I’ll endure it pretending I’m unconscious.”

Now that you know what kind of hugs are out there don’t get caught in an awkward situation, recognize which hug you are being given and reciprocate. Let’s make the exchange bearable.

What makes me happy? Immediate satisfaction!

17 Sep

Today is Friday and I thought I would keep it light and fresh since I spent the whole week talking about my heartaches. In no particular order, here is a brief, but detailed account of a few things that make me abundantly happy and turn my smile into a cheesing fest. Hopefully you have your own list that you would like to share with me in the comments. Enjoy!

There’s nothing like a silky smooth piece of chocolate to satisfy the most adamant of cravings. The way it melts in your mouth as it knocks out every single taste bud with its decadent cocoa flavor. I’ve always said the purer the better. Don’t get me wrong, milk chocolate is okay, but being able to savor the fruit in its intensity is heaven. A sprinkle of sugar and a drop of milk go a long way. A good chocolatier knows this, and will create the perfect formula for that coveted confection.

A long, sensuous, delicate, kiss is without a doubt an indispensable life pleasure that provides me with surreal happiness and immediate satisfaction indeed. It should be a daily activity although it could be difficult to come across it for someone that’s single like me. Nonetheless, a kiss of that caliber can catapult all five senses into acute awareness. The way my nose captures the subtlety of his scent, and my fingers, barely touching him, caress his skin giving me goosebumps. The taste…oh, the taste of warm, wet, meaty lips sometimes is just indescribable. My eyes (I’m not going to lie, they prefer to be closed) look inside me. They undress my mind, my soul. I come in contact with my true self. It’s an amazing self-awareness experience of enjoyment and true bliss. To culminate this sensory overload, my ears capture each moan, each sound creating a domino cycle-effect that triggers all other senses once again, and again, and again. So there…that’s what a “simple” kiss feels like to me.

Words. I think words are beautiful. They spark so much joy in me. Think about it…a combination of vowels and/or consonants can hold so much truth, love, passion, energy, enchantment, meaning, etc. One word can ignite a million thoughts. It electrifies my brain. A word can make me feel alive just by looking at it, reading it, saying it out loud. That’s just one word; imagine how a book can make me feel…
So there you have it. TGIF! smile 😀