Tag Archives: blog

Honest Actions or Ulterior Motives?

16 Nov

How do I honestly come up with things to do without an ulterior motive to eventually benefit me in the end? I would like to be able to stop concocting these extravagant scores to achieve what I thing would be good for me and just live and let life and destiny take me wherever it would be. I always do this; try to take matters into my own hands. May it be impatience, determination, habit, whatever. I cannot succumb from doing this.

I can’t begin to understand why my need to control all kinds of situations in my life. I wish the process of understanding my dilemma would be already settled in my head so this entry could have a problem, explanation, and resolution with maybe a moral in the end, but so much for wishing, right?

Why do I resort to past habits that I know for a fact don’t work and only give me grief and false hope? I don’t know…because that’s what I’ve done for years, it’s my comfort zone, it’s my default setting.
How can I deprogram what I’ve been subconsciously resorting to for years and years? By doing the opposite, you may suggest, but restraining myself from living and having a life, enclosing myself within the four walls of my apartment and cutting myself out from any kind of human interaction, punishing myself…is that really the answer? Is it? Is it?

The maze that is my head is getting stronger and more intricate as time goes by. I have no roadmaps, no signs, no GPS to help me, even though I was the architect, the creator, the mastermind behind this complex labyrinth.

Skydiving into My Future

9 Nov

I always say that I like to keep things fresh and exciting, that I welcome spontaneity and change with open arms. But then change does happen and I’m left nervous, anxious, and afraid.
Such is this transitional time in my life where I’m taking on a new path of evolution and I’m terrified. Exited, but terrified. The pilot has finally opened the door, I’m standing there ready to jump, I have to stop, take a big breath, close my eyes and leap into the exciting unknown it is this new chapter in my life. See you down there!

Stumped

5 Nov

I’ve been thinking all day on what to write for my usual Fun Friday post and honestly, I’m stumped. I’ve been so busy with work that I haven’t been as attentive to write a post a day like I had in the past, resorting to make it up the next day by writing 2 a day. I guess I could start doing multiple entries, but I don’t know if one substatial entry is better than multiple “light” ones. I don’t know, I guess I’ll try it out and see how it works better for me. At the end of the day, it’s my blog, I can cry if I want to! hehe.

Hello world!

19 Aug

This is my first official post on my new blog. I’m very excited! So many things to say, don’t really know where to start! I guess I could begin by explaining the reasons why I’ve chosen to do this now. It’s funny how I’ve been “blogging” for years but never really published one sigle word. Yes, I’m one of those girls that has volumes of personal diaries and journals under her bed. I’ve been writing diaries since I got my very first one when I was nine years old. That little book was my best friend for many months. I loved that diary. It was so glamorous with its gilded pages, and like a really good bff, kept all my deepest secrets.

Fastforward twenty years and I noticed how I don’t really write much anymore. Once I realized this, I made a point to start writing again. Not because I have all these juicy secrets dying to come out and share with my latest journal, but because I miss the craft of weaving words together. Also, because I find that once I write things down they make more sense to me. I want to simplify and clarify the thoughts, questions, and insecurites I have about my life, my journey, and the meaning of why I am here.