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Divorce Killed the Matrimony Star

18 Nov

An Associated Press article came out today in most news outlets about a study by the Pew Research Center, in association with Time magazine that reported 4 out of 10 people say marriage is becoming obsolete. Reading this article made me think about my own believes and views about the institution of marriage and what it means to me.

It’s very unfortunate that the image and desire I had to one day create my own family by taking the vows of marriage in front of my family and friends have changed. I believe too highly in the holy sacrament of marriage. To think that someone else I’m involved with could not regard this commitment in the same level that I do, whether I like it or not, is unfathomable. In this day and age it’s very rare to find a person who thinks like me, so why risk it? Why disrespect it? May as well never even try it just to avoid disappointment.

How about if I would just meet whoever I’m going to meet in this lifetime and have a comradeship, mutual respect, and companionship? And WHEN (not “if” because it WILL happen) we had enough of each other the separation won’t be this major rupture (this is my catholic self chiming in) of the oath we swore to God in front of witnesses. Whether it last a few weeks, months, or a few years there’s always the chance to start over fresh and new and not with the stigma of failure at the attempt of a happily ever after.

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Honest Actions or Ulterior Motives?

16 Nov

How do I honestly come up with things to do without an ulterior motive to eventually benefit me in the end? I would like to be able to stop concocting these extravagant scores to achieve what I thing would be good for me and just live and let life and destiny take me wherever it would be. I always do this; try to take matters into my own hands. May it be impatience, determination, habit, whatever. I cannot succumb from doing this.

I can’t begin to understand why my need to control all kinds of situations in my life. I wish the process of understanding my dilemma would be already settled in my head so this entry could have a problem, explanation, and resolution with maybe a moral in the end, but so much for wishing, right?

Why do I resort to past habits that I know for a fact don’t work and only give me grief and false hope? I don’t know…because that’s what I’ve done for years, it’s my comfort zone, it’s my default setting.
How can I deprogram what I’ve been subconsciously resorting to for years and years? By doing the opposite, you may suggest, but restraining myself from living and having a life, enclosing myself within the four walls of my apartment and cutting myself out from any kind of human interaction, punishing myself…is that really the answer? Is it? Is it?

The maze that is my head is getting stronger and more intricate as time goes by. I have no roadmaps, no signs, no GPS to help me, even though I was the architect, the creator, the mastermind behind this complex labyrinth.

Stumped

5 Nov

I’ve been thinking all day on what to write for my usual Fun Friday post and honestly, I’m stumped. I’ve been so busy with work that I haven’t been as attentive to write a post a day like I had in the past, resorting to make it up the next day by writing 2 a day. I guess I could start doing multiple entries, but I don’t know if one substatial entry is better than multiple “light” ones. I don’t know, I guess I’ll try it out and see how it works better for me. At the end of the day, it’s my blog, I can cry if I want to! hehe.

The Right to Cheat

18 Oct

I had a conversation with a good guy friend of mine regarding fidelity. He expressed that for him, as long as his partner is fulfilling his needs, there’s no reason to wonder off, but that he, in fact, had been unfaithful because his wife had been “acting up for a while.” His words, not mine.
So I asked him what that meant. He replied that as a wife, her duties were to always be available physically for him, to maintain their house clean, food on the table, and to take care of their children. He couldn’t understand why she would make up excuses for when he wanted to be intimate with her. He said it had been going on for too long and since she wasn’t giving it to him at home he went out looking for it elsewhere.

In his defense, he added that he performed his duties as a husband. He gave me a laundry list of the things he would do for her like flying her out for a weekend getaway. He works so she doesn’t have to, he is a good father to their children, and he buys her whatever she needs and wants, so why wasn’t she pulling her weight? He asked me. Why would she refuse to please me when all I do is please her?

All I kept thinking about was his wife. I thought about her reasons and excuses to not perform what was expected of her. So what about these marital duties? If you’re doing your part as a husband or wife and your still chose to cheat, what about then? The indiscretion has to be forgiven or overlooked because you are doing what you’re supposed to be doing at home? Now I ask myself, am I the type of person that allows to be cheated on?

I feel is extremely important to have the answer to that question before you enter a relationship. You have to know yourself, and understand your point of view from the beginning, so when it does happen, because it will, you are ready to do what you are supposed to do. I believe all of us as human beings living on this earth will experience at some point of our lives some kind of infidelity, so why not be prepared for it when it happens.

You have two options, you can be the accepting type; the one that will overlook and/or forgive an indiscretion and work together with your partner through any fidelity issue and stay together. Or option two; you can be the one who won’t stand for any wrongdoing and leave.

My friend got me thinking about a very interesting point. Most of the females I have discussed this issue with tell me that women cheat because there’s something lacking in the relationship, which is what my male friend was telling me now. I always assumed that men cheat because they feel they can, women cheat because they are trying to fill a void from their relationship.

Maybe it’s not a black and white answer, maybe there are some gray areas, and maybe men and women are not as different. Some men could cheat because they’re missing something, and some women cheat because they too feel they can.

No matter the reason, circumstance, situation or person involved, understanding what actions to take before the indiscretion has occurred will give you a sense of security because you’re prepared. Emotions can sometimes cloud the mind and not allow you to think straight.

My Love Formula

14 Oct

For a relationship to be a success I like to put it in math terms. My formula is 100/50. 100% happy 50% of the time. If I’m not getting 100/50 then it’s time to bail out. So I’m faced with the most pivotal of questions; what is my definition of happy?
I’d like to be with someone who makes me feel special; smart, beautiful, interesting, funny, passionate, caring, but like I’m the only one in the world with these qualities. Someone who makes me give myself selflessly, without hesitation, without feeling like is a chore. I would give my all and not even realize it. Working issues out would be a fun challenge. Even getting mad or upset would not be a big deal because we can always work it out, talk it out, weight it out, and discuss it without hurting each other. Compromises would seem always like a win-win situation. Am I describing a perfect relationship? Maybe…Is it something impossible to obtain? I don’t believe so. I think this is what would work for me if I’m with someone who I love, who loves me too, and we’re not selfish about it. I think this is all it would take. That, and lots of butterfly kisses and bear hugs!

Everything happens for a reason

2 Sep

I’m back today, see? I’m trying. Yesterday a good friend of mine, after being put through the ringer in a series of interviews, was told “all positions have been filled.” I felt really bad for her because just as she was uber confident about having this job in the bag, so was I. It came as a complete surprise for me. I was try telling her comforting words to ease her disappointment and frustation, but even though that’s happened to all of us at some time or another in our lives I wasn’t really sharing her true emotions. I could see why she felt that way, but I felt empathy not sympathy.

Let me clarify before I start sounding like an a** that doesn’t care about her friend’s misfurtunes. The reason why I wasn’t sympathetic is that everytime something bad happens I tend to think of the “positive” outcome or the destiny/fate/life plan that I am to fulfill. I hate to call it positive thinking because I consider myself a pesimist, but I feel that life has a way of sorting everything out for us.

So I ended up telling my friend that everything happens for a reason, there is probably something better out there waiting for her to show up and make a move. Smile.