Archive | November, 2010

Divorce Killed the Matrimony Star

18 Nov

An Associated Press article came out today in most news outlets about a study by the Pew Research Center, in association with Time magazine that reported 4 out of 10 people say marriage is becoming obsolete. Reading this article made me think about my own believes and views about the institution of marriage and what it means to me.

It’s very unfortunate that the image and desire I had to one day create my own family by taking the vows of marriage in front of my family and friends have changed. I believe too highly in the holy sacrament of marriage. To think that someone else I’m involved with could not regard this commitment in the same level that I do, whether I like it or not, is unfathomable. In this day and age it’s very rare to find a person who thinks like me, so why risk it? Why disrespect it? May as well never even try it just to avoid disappointment.

How about if I would just meet whoever I’m going to meet in this lifetime and have a comradeship, mutual respect, and companionship? And WHEN (not “if” because it WILL happen) we had enough of each other the separation won’t be this major rupture (this is my catholic self chiming in) of the oath we swore to God in front of witnesses. Whether it last a few weeks, months, or a few years there’s always the chance to start over fresh and new and not with the stigma of failure at the attempt of a happily ever after.

Honest Actions or Ulterior Motives?

16 Nov

How do I honestly come up with things to do without an ulterior motive to eventually benefit me in the end? I would like to be able to stop concocting these extravagant scores to achieve what I thing would be good for me and just live and let life and destiny take me wherever it would be. I always do this; try to take matters into my own hands. May it be impatience, determination, habit, whatever. I cannot succumb from doing this.

I can’t begin to understand why my need to control all kinds of situations in my life. I wish the process of understanding my dilemma would be already settled in my head so this entry could have a problem, explanation, and resolution with maybe a moral in the end, but so much for wishing, right?

Why do I resort to past habits that I know for a fact don’t work and only give me grief and false hope? I don’t know…because that’s what I’ve done for years, it’s my comfort zone, it’s my default setting.
How can I deprogram what I’ve been subconsciously resorting to for years and years? By doing the opposite, you may suggest, but restraining myself from living and having a life, enclosing myself within the four walls of my apartment and cutting myself out from any kind of human interaction, punishing myself…is that really the answer? Is it? Is it?

The maze that is my head is getting stronger and more intricate as time goes by. I have no roadmaps, no signs, no GPS to help me, even though I was the architect, the creator, the mastermind behind this complex labyrinth.

The Yummy Things I Like to Eat around the Holidays

10 Nov

Shopping, decorating, partying, eating, all these activities surely represent the holiday season for most of us. We do it year in and year out, but for me there are certain foods I just have to eat, to either get me in the festive mood, to remind me of holidays past and to share with family and friends creating traditions.

Pumkin pie.

Hello?! Thanksgiving anyone? Without this dessert it doesn’t really feel like the holidays have arrived, hehe. I incorporated this tradition when I moved from the Caribbean to the northeastern part of US. First time I had this I found the taste very strange, but grew to love it and associate it with happy memories. I love to eat it plain or with whipped cream. It reminds me of football, chilly, crisp air and the Macy’s Thanksgiving Parade.

Sugar cookies.

Mentioning this treat is more about the activity of baking than the actual taste, but of course, we end up eating the whole batch in one sitting anyway. I love making them and sharing the baking process with my family and/or friends. We decorate them in Christmassy themes, and every year I try to buy new cookie cutters to add to my collection. It’s so much fun and makes for wonderful memories to reminisce on!

Apple cider donuts and hot apple cider.
I picked up this tradition when my boyfriend at the time moved to Vermont a few years ago. I used to drive up there twice a month and would love to stop by Cold Hollow Cider Mill on route 100 and get my fix. It just warms you right up, and reminds me of simpler times.

Sea grapes.

You may not be familiar with this since it’s more of a Caribbean/Dominican tradition. We only really eat grapes and apples around Christmas holiday. We serve the fruit together with the Christmas Eve and New Year’s Eve dinners. The native sea grapes in DR are a rich, dark, purple color, almost black. They have seeds in them and they are the size of small golf balls. Having 12 sea grapes at the stroke of midnight in New Year’s Eve is supposed to symbolize good luck for the New Year.

Gumdrops. Another Dominican tradition that can never be left out during the holidays is gumdrops. The colorful sugary treat is synonymous with Christmas celebrations. If you visit any house during this time of year you could be sure you will find a bowl full of gumdrops somewhere in the house for anyone to enjoy. Over the years, I’ve grown out of the overwhelming sweet taste and the sticky, chewy texture but I love to have at least a couple of the red ones (me favorite) because they remind me of Christmas lights.

What are YOUR favorite holiday treats?

Skydiving into My Future

9 Nov

I always say that I like to keep things fresh and exciting, that I welcome spontaneity and change with open arms. But then change does happen and I’m left nervous, anxious, and afraid.
Such is this transitional time in my life where I’m taking on a new path of evolution and I’m terrified. Exited, but terrified. The pilot has finally opened the door, I’m standing there ready to jump, I have to stop, take a big breath, close my eyes and leap into the exciting unknown it is this new chapter in my life. See you down there!

Letting You in my Little Secret

8 Nov

I haven’t really been very vocal about my grand decision of cutting him off my life. Very few people know, and by few I mean 3 people. Lately I’ve been wondering why I have chosen not to say anything. I thought about how maybe what I do and don’t do isn’t anyone’s business. Also, I wonder that maybe I’m not big into sharing because letting everyone in my little secret somehow will etch my decision in stone with no room for failure. In any case, whatever the reason is I think I’m ready now to divulge it without hesitation simply because now I feel that maybe letting people know will allow them to help me with the process. The bigger the army, the greater the chances of me winning the war.
I decided to first talk to a few key characters in this novella.
My mother. She dislikes him so much, maybe her sympathy and happiness will fuel me to continue.
His cousin. She was my VIP access to his life for certain things. By her being involved now maybe I won’t have to hear who he is or isn’t dating and she’ll be more discrete by respecting my feelings.
My friend related to his ex. By opening up this “bomb” to her maybe I’ll get closer to her like I used to be before she got caught in the middle of this love triangle. I miss her so.
Our mutual friends. There are many of them, and, sincerely, having to pretend like we’re “A-Ok” is really taking a toll on me. I despise them for asking me every time they see me how he’s doing, and what he’s up to. Maybe by opening up they’ll respect my wishes of not wanting to talk about him, and maybe, just maybe they’ll help me, support me, and encourage me to move on for good.
Understanding that my needs go above his and the rest is half the battle. I will do and say what is right for me and what will ultimately help me get over him.

One Day at a Time: Day 54

6 Nov

“Sueñate conmigo” was something I used to say almost every night right before we would hang up the phone. Call it not-so-subliminal message for him to do exactly that; dream about me. I would plant that last seed in his conscious and ultimately (by repetition) in his subconscious mind so all his shut-eye would be centered around or about me. It would work sometimes (I didn’t say this science was perfect).
The point of me bringing up a glimpse of my twisted, little science project is that last night I dreamed of him. I dreamed that he came over to talk to me, to vent, to say exactly what was on his mind about me shunning him out of my life. In my dream he was crying, desperately seeking and answer as to why I would ruin his perfect friendship circle of trust between him and his 3 best friends. I was the weakest link and I had finally broken the perfect round shape into an imperfect line. My frustration grew as he was talking about everything but the reality of our situation, my reality. As my impatience escalated without me being able to get a word in and explain to him one more time that friendship was a consolation prize for me not the winning ticket, I woke up. Disappointed, I wasn’t able to get him to admit that the real reason why he was bent out of shape was because he missed me, because he loved me.
Sadly this was a dream, and only a dream. It let me to wonder about how he has been dealing with all of this. Does he think about our friendship, relationship, about me as a person? Does he miss me even a fraction of what I miss him? Simply put I, not him, is the one with all the puzzling questions and my dream was just a manifestation of my utter bewilderment. Sad, truly, when I think about what he’s done to me.

Stumped

5 Nov

I’ve been thinking all day on what to write for my usual Fun Friday post and honestly, I’m stumped. I’ve been so busy with work that I haven’t been as attentive to write a post a day like I had in the past, resorting to make it up the next day by writing 2 a day. I guess I could start doing multiple entries, but I don’t know if one substatial entry is better than multiple “light” ones. I don’t know, I guess I’ll try it out and see how it works better for me. At the end of the day, it’s my blog, I can cry if I want to! hehe.

Travel Tips

3 Nov


I really enjoy travelling, experiencing different environments, customs, people, and seeing things for the first time around all corners of our wonderful planet. One thing I don’t like so much? The actual “travelling”. You know… the airports, airplanes, packing, and security check-ins, basically all of those things we have to do in order for us to be able to get to our destination. Having collected my fare share of frequent flyer miles, I have a few tricks I want to share with you and maybe this will make your next trip experience more enjoyable.
Dress comfortably. I like to wear jeans, or leggings, and slip on flats, or sandals. This is a good idea, not only so you can sit on those uncomfortable airplane seats for long flights but also to be able to pass through security without any issues. Depending on the weather in my destination, of course, think of shoes you can remove and put back on easily without having to waste too much time.
Get cozy. Airplanes get cold 30,000 feet off the ground so I try to be prepared by bringing my own “blanket.” I carry with me a scarf made up of a soft, warm material to keep warm on the plane. Also, I bring ankle sox just in case my feet get cold. I choose ankle sox because they can be rolled up into a small ball and I can place them in my purse without taking up too much space.

Easy access. At the airport you will be showing your identification, passport, ticket, etc. at many checkpoints throughout. I don’t want to be digging in my purse every time, risking that something important may fall off in the process. You don’t want to be juggling around your ID’s, purse, carry-on, suitcase, and cell in your hands, it’s just too much. I use a passport cover to store my passport, ID, and ticket. It’s all neatly organized and it’s only one thing to store away or take out of my bag. Simple.

Be colorful. Watching the conveyer belt go around carrying a sea of black bags inspired me to be bold and different. I want my bag to stand out so even if I’m across the way of the baggage claim area I can still spot my luggage coming down. Anything but black is good, really. If you can’t afford to change your current black luggage try a colorful tag, it’ll do the trick as well.

Ready for anything. I always carry with me inside my purse gum, and travel versions of these items; hand lotion, hand sanitizer, Dramamine, tissue paper and eye drops. I’ve learned from past experiences that airport stores, although convenient, are very expensive. I choose to have these things with me and not have to worry if anything ever happens. Make sure you do too, wouldn’t want you to miss your flight because you’re standing in line at a gift shop or newsstand.

Attention Shoppers!

3 Nov

Halloween is over so it only means one thing. The holiday season is upon us. One of my favorite things to do is to go through Neiman Marcus’ The Christmas Book catalog and take my pick at the gifts that call my attention and wish to get every year. This also includes the oh so extravagant, and over-the-top expensive fantasy gifts. A girl can dream, can’t I? I definitely recommend you take a look at the book. If you don’t get the catalog delivered you can flip through it online.
Without further ado, here is a list of the goodies that I’m so including in my Dear Santa’s letter. Hehe!

Aquatalia mink-cuffed boots $795. They are waterproof, have a cute, stylish, wedge and they come in expresso and black. You can match it with any outfit this winter.

Gucci Vintage Boston bowler bag $990.00
It has the same style as a LV Speedy which I love. Gucci is one of my favorite design labels so this would be a very nice addition to my handbag collection. I specially like the vitage green and red stripe right down the middle. Very festive!

Juicy Couture ballet flats $195.00
These flats are super cute! I love wearing heels, but sometimes it gets to be too much at the office. Having trendy, comfortable shoes to switch it up is a must.
Byte By Teso suede and fur vest $2,750.00 Fur vests are in this season and this trend looks good and is practical for those cool fall days and nights.
Michael Kors cashmere coat $2,795.00
This coat is the perfect glamorous look to walk around in a snowy night. Very sex and the city. I wanted a white coat for a while now and this is the perfect one!

Edible Gingerbread Playhouse by Dylan’s Candy Bar $15,000.00
I love making gingerbread houses for the holidays. They are a really entertaining way to pass the time and they’re fun to eat too! So why not indulge on this house and eat your way out of it!

One Day at a Time: Day 48

1 Nov

It was unplanned, I swear. In an enclosed city area with about 100,000 people around, most of them in costume, you would think it would be literally impossible for exes to run into each other, right? Unless it was planned…right? Wrong!
I saw him maybe like 15 feet in front of me. Even with a costume on, I recognized him right away. I got nervous. My heart sank to my stomach. I could feel it switching gears into full speed, but I knew I couldn’t let the nerves get the best of me. I kept walking towards him and his friends. As I approached their huddle he walked away a few steps towards some other people.
I said hello to his two best friends, of course, trying to look naturally happy and unfazed. They asked me where I had been, as if they didn’t know. I answered politely, “around.” One of them pointed him out to me, “there he is, go say hi!” and smoothly I replied “oh yeah…” I looked over avoiding eye contact, and I could tell he was doing the same thing, while trying to act like he hadn’t realized I was there.
I felt my hands starting to shake. I attributed to the cold weather, and before it could get more awkward I said goodbye and I walked away. I got lost again in the crowd. I walked fast so I couldn’t be spotted from far away. Not that he would try to, but…
I thought about how I wished I’d never had to see him again, but how I knew it would be bound to happen someday. I never imagined it would be this early, only 2 months in. I had played the reunion in my head many times. I would always be nonchalant, cool, collected. I would leave him wanting more of me and as I would walk away he would be left sad, distraught, undone. Ha! So much for that, eh?