One Day at a Time: Day 30

13 Oct

I didn’t want to let this milestone pass by unnoticed. It has been 30 days since I last spoke to him telling him that I was done. Unofficially it has actually been 39 days since I made the decision that I needed to turn my life around.
I made a comment to someone the other day where I mentioned him. As the thought converted into words flowing out of my mouth into the air, I coudn’t help but feel as if I was speaking about someone who had passed away. Like I had been in mourning for all these time and suddenly I was breaking my silence by saying his name outloud. Mentioning his name felt as if I was disrespecting the honor of my actions. A guilt wave ran through my body. I shouldn’t speak about him in a loving, funny-anecdote kind a way, I thought to myself. It didn’t feel right.
Simply put, too many wonderful things have also taken place during this time. Without his help, his solidarity, empathy, assistance, encouragement, without Him. It has been tough, extremely, but I’ve also seen that I can continue living a bountiful, beautiful life. Here is to eleven more months which now don’t seem as scary as they once seemed.

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