One Day at a Time: Day 24

30 Sep

I saw a picture of me and him on a friend’s Facebook album and I felt embarrassed. On a different time I would have been proud, to say the least, and overjoyed for the exposure. I would have been pleased that such view was for everyone to see. All those girls that had access to this account and were looking at this picture would be melting in the lava of jealousy and hatred towards me because that girl next to the object of their affection wasn’t them. Yeah, I would have been elated, but today I’m not.
Like I said, I felt a bit ashamed because I could recall the feelings I felt going through my veins looking at the moment in time captured by that photograph. The same feelings that today I’m desperately try to abolish once and for all from my being. I could recall the false sense of security I felt. “Here I am, here he is. He’s with me. not you. me!” What a fool, Patty! You’re a fool!
I remembered the coquettish way I looked at him all night and I felt sick. Knowing now what I know I saw my image on that picture and I felt disgusted by it. That person is pitiful, I thought to myself.
Maybe that’s how everyone saw me, but never dared to say anything. Realizing this kill the last bit of self-respect I had left. All these time I was this pathetic fool being pushed around and played around by this guy and I was so blind I didn’t see it.
I left the album, closed the window, and shut the computer down as if by doing this the picture would somehow spontaneously combust and disappear for noone to gaze at ever again.

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