One Day at a Time: Day 17

22 Sep

There’s always 3 sides to every story. There’s mine, there’s his, and there’s the truth. Today I’m going to be discussing his side of the story. The guy point of view. I was speaking to two of my male cousins about my decision to end this relationship. It was an eye opener to say the least because they gave me an insight to how a guy acts, thinks, and behaves when it comes to females. As he shared all his own personal experiences I couldn’t help but notice how familiar it all sounded. I have been there before many times as that girl he was describing in his anecdotes. All the things he would do or say to these girls was what I would experience or hear from this guy, and somehow because it was coming from him it seemed so innocent. I was wrong.
A guy is a guy is a guy. Is that simple. When he would tell me every little escapade he had with other females it wasn’t because he regarded me as trustworthy like I thought, it was because he wanted to make sure that as a chilla* I knew my place in his world. When he would be vague about someday taking me serious, it wasn’t because he was confused about his feelings towards me and he needed more time. It was because he wasn’t going to cut that bridge, he needed to have me readily available whenever he wanted. Even it was months or years in between.
He knows me too well so he always knew what to say to me to keep me at bay. All that power is too dangerous to give to someone, but once they have it they can control you like a puppet until you decide to cut the strings.
It was really hard to listen to my cousin explain this to me because I really believed that I was different, that I was special. That the times that we had spent together had made our bond be a rare material that could withstand everything. I idealized this connection to the point that he was a deity and our relationship was my religion. How can I let this happen? When did I let this happen?
Thankfully, I can see now that he is just a dude like any other male inhabiting planet Earth. He’s not special, neither am I to him. This was all about who had control over whom. I’m ready to take back my power, my will. It’s funny how you think succumbing your power to someone can be perceived as love. I’m taking note of it not to make that same mistake ever again.

*chilla- girl on the side. mistress. f*^% buddy.

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