One Day at a Time: Day 9

14 Sep

Am I in shock? that’s the only thing I can think of. Yesterday, after going back and forth, I decided to tell him that I needed a break from him. It was tough because it became so final. It was like signing my death sentence. Releasing my intentions to him just solidified my thoughts making it public, real. Can’t back away now. This is IT!

I cried. Histerically. All my emotions rolled up into one big downpour of tears. The Niagara Falls of crying. I needed desperately for someone to remind me why I was doing this. Why I was torturing myself and digging a black hole in my heart. I prayed to God to give me the strength I needed to succumb to my decision and accept my reality. This is what YOU want. This is what you NEED.

Today I woke up outside my body. Like I’m watching myself live and not feel what my body is feeling, physically or emotionally. It’s so surreal, but I don’t want to let go of this state. I’m trying not to think or talk about it because I fear if I do I’ll tap into or “jump into” my body, my emotions, my fears, and again I would feel how I felt last night.

Like my beautiful sister said to me while I flooded my apartment with tears last night. This is the worst part, it can only get better from here. This is the beginning of the rest of your life. <-AMEN to that sister!

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