One Day at a Time: Day 8

13 Sep

All I seem to do is talk about what I’m going through. I must be driving my friends crazy/bored with this nonsense. At least I feel like that’s all I talk about because right now that’s all I think about. He did finally try contacting me today asking if there’s anything wrong. I said…nothing. I couldn’t answer his question because I am not ready to speak to him. I realized that as soon as I saw his email in my inbox I started to forget all the bad things that were fueling my get-over-him engine. I got excited to see him inquire about me.  I know that if I speak to him and let my guard down I will fall back into my old tricks and all this effort will go to waste. So I postponed the “talk” and called my support group right away. You know, the group of close girlfriends that always have your back, but tell you what it is, how it is. They speak the truth. All of them told me to ignore it. To follow my instincts and just quit him cold turkey. No explanations, no talks, no arrangements. Just stop.

After listening to their advice I ask myself; what am I going to do? The old me would talk to him because if I don’t he would disappear out of my life forever thinking I won’t talk because I’m being childish. That old me would think that would be devastating because I would be shooting hope in the face and killing any miniscule chance I’ve had of working things out.  Maybe that’s exactly what I need! So the new me will try things a little bit differently. I am not going to say anything and let my silence speak for me. Allow my actions paint the picture he needs to see in order for him to draw his own conclusions of our “relationship”.

I’m glad I didn’t jump in and said what I was thinking when he wrote. I took the time to think about what is best for me and I feel happy with my decision.  So I keep repeating to myself: one step at a time, one hour at a time, one day at a time, one week at a time….

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