One Day at a Time

10 Sep

This past week has been tough. I have made the decision to finally get over “the one that got away”. I have said this before, I have planned this before, but knew in my heart that I wasn’t ready. I wasn’t ready to give up hope. Not ready to let go of the chance that one day the stars would align and finally all my dreams would come true.

Why is this time around different from all the other times you ask? well, because now I feel that I can. For some strange reason even though I’m heartbroken, ahem…heart-shattered… I can see something inside of me that’s different. I see a willingness to try, a will to succeed. I keep telling myself that I am too old to live in this fantasy world I have created for myself. Yes, myself because this has nothing to do with him, it has everything to do with me not getting that he wasn’t available 10 years ago, he’s definitely not available to me now, and he will NEVER be available to me in the future.

I’m not going to lie. It’s hard. Specially because I seem to have a selective memory to only remember the happy memories, the inside jokes, the fun times, the special moments that made us bond and let my obssession grow into what it is now. So I tell myself, one day at a time. Remember the bad feelings, the sadness and despair you feel once he’s out of your sight. Those memorable happy moments are always overshadowed by weeks of misery. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat in your mind. I hope I’m strong enough to do this because I have no other choice.

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